Stuttering on Sunday

Sunday wasn't a good 'speaking' day for me. As a recovering stutterer, I get those every once in a while. Make that a combination of nerves, technical difficulties (my fault), wanting to perform well and tiredness. As Joe Ocran (our visiting speaker from Ghana) was speaking I wrote the following in my journal (I was listening...I just had to write this down to clear my heart...):

"Today is a day of weakness, Lord. Of stuttering, of pauses, of awkwardness while leading worship. It started off bad and kept on bad...unless this is Your will in which case I glorify You for using me in this way: in which case it started off good and kept on good. I exist for Your glory and for the sake of the kingdom: of this is taking up my cross and following You; if this is laying down my life, I praise You for the honour of this opportunity to be used of You".

As I finished writing this, Joe said, from the pulpit "God takes me feeble words and my trembling voice and in His power can touch someone's heart". I strongly believe that that throwaway sentence from Joe was meant for me (perhaps it was for you, too...maybe we can share it!). Stuttering is like an iceberg. You see me looking and sounding odd. But there's this WHOLE other realm of confusion and mess and fear and loathing and issues under the surface (only I and God see this).

• Do I still deeply wish I didn't stutter? Yes.
• Am I aware of how my facial contortions can be a distraction? Yes.
• Do I sometimes think "Someone else, more able, should be doing this"? Yes

However, I believe that God can and does use a sometimes-weird-looking-as-he-

tries-to-get-his-words-out guy who often uses the same old phrases in worship, because he what words are safe and what words might be risky. I do believe in the Biblical principle that God has allowed me and you to remain weak in certain areas, so that we can experience His grace and His power even more fully. I believe in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10.

⁷To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ¹⁰That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

• What is your weakness?
• Have you pleaded with God to take it away?
• If God has healed you / removed it, great!
  
• If He hasn't, perhaps He has a purpose for this unwelcome guest residing in your digs
  
• Ask God to lead you to delight in Your weakness, to boast about it, to lean on His grace, to know His power made perfect in this very weakness, this very source of shame...

Cheers
Dan